It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to write. I’ve
actually been doing work… while at work. I’ve also had a fair amount of
headaches. Ones where my eyes burn and the computer screen is like the sun
burning my corneas.
I’m not doing well with getting out in the world and meeting
people. I binged the latest season of Queer Eye and realized many of their
make-overs included pushing someone out of their comfort zone and, often,
letting people in. I felt sad as I realized I didn’t have anyone to let in, at
least not in my current city. There is the problem at hand. I don’t have a
problem connecting with others, but I have to meet them first.
I place a lot of restrictions on myself in order to adhere
to what I believe is the optimal schedule for the highest quality of sleep. The
last two men I tried to date took issue with my schedule. It was an
inconvenience for them and they ridiculed me for being an “old lady” who goes
to bed at 10pm. It felt demoralizing and deterred me from trying again.
I am content to come home, walk the dog, and meander around
my apartment. Content is not what I’m looking for, though. I know me. I know I need excitement,
adventure, and passion to be my happiest self. I want more than just
contentment. God, I keep coming back to the same question. How do I get out in
the world and find my tribe in this foreign city of brotherly love?
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