Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Why Kendrick Lamar Continues To Not Suck

This is my official what the fuck is up with the shitty music videos post.

Example one: Beyoncé’s Drunk In Love. Great song. Makes you wanna dance and then fuck. The lyrics are explicit and erotic. Jay Z rhymes about doing it against the wall and being in such a frenzy to be inside her that he doesn't have time to take her panties off and instead merely slips them to the side. She compares riding him to riding the waves on a surfboard. Specifically "grindin' on that wood, grindin grindin' on that wood, I'm swervin' on that,  swervin' swervin' on that big body, deserving all of this, surfin' all of this good good."

When she sang deserving all of this and I was dancing in my living room, my hands were motioning to my body as I assumed she would be doing with hers. It might have been sexy... what I did in my living room… or not, but that's what I expected to see in the video. And, maybe I expected her and Jay Z get a little freaky. At the very least, I expected to see someone getting freaky, even if it was actors.

The song is about being drunk at the club with the man you love and having the time of your life, then heading home to have awesome sex that's so off the chain you're willing to fuck up your million dollar Warhol print. (Probably one that Jay Z and Beyoncé have in their foyer for real.)

Doesn't that sound hot??? And like the makings for a great video??

I thought so too, but nope. The video sucks.

It's Beyoncé dancing on the beach (better than my living room dancing, but just randomly dancing nonetheless), then Jay Z comes on the sand to wrap while holding a snifter of liquor. Her and ole boy barely touch.

So not hot. Not erotic or explicit.

Just, blah.

Next up—How Many Drinks by Miguel.

Let me start by saying that I looooove Miguel. His songs make me want to dance, grind, and find someone to get warm and comfy with.

How Many Drinks, like Drunk In Love, has hot lyrics that basically ask how many drinks do you need before you'll go home with me so I can do dirty, dirty things to you?

Uh, one. If he sang that song to me while we got it on I could be ready after a sip of water. So I'm thinking it's going to be a hot video with him (or an actor) pursuing a woman in the club. Maybe there would be some dirty dancing and flirty chats before they roll out in the limo to his pad that where they have sweaty, passionate sex—and he sings the song the whole time.

ERRRRRR. Giant red X's from the Family Feud.

It's him and a shotty band performing with a few close ups of his face. You can't even see his face for most of it cuz it's all shadowed out. There are some lame side dancers who look like they should be in a Peter Gabriel video and give the saddest wannabe-lesbian performance I've ever seen.


Total. Let down.

So, on the search for a video that was made with some thought put into it, that told a story along with the song, and that visually as well as auditorally stimulated me I went to my main man who has yet to do me wrong—Kendrick Lamar.

He apparently has a new song out that I hadn't heard cuz it came up first on YouTube. It's unreleased as far as I know on LP, but the song, simply titled I, tells one hell of a story. It's not erotic or dirty, but a story of the ghetto trying to tear you down and rising above it to love yourself. He rhymes about the city (or society) making promises that it never follows through on so he makes the promise to love himself—the one promise he knows can come to fruition because he himself, holds the reins to its success.

Heavy shit right. Yep, and the video rocks. It's a tour of Compton, his hometown and a place where some sad, sad shit happens. He takes you around the hood, all the while leading and being followed by a crew of dancers. It follows the story of the song AND when you thought it couldn't get any better, it does.

Mr. Big is in it! He got Ron Isley to do a little ditty on the video. Hello, that's cool as fuck.

I realize the production cost of a video is high and I'm not asking for every artist to recreate the Thriller video, but I searched some more of Lamar's videos and they all tell a story visually while he raps the plot to you. None of them were shitty. So the rest of ya'll artists need to man the fuck up, maybe get with Dre, and make a video I want to watch—especially the dirty songs! Hello! We're in the era of 50 Shades. Show me some skin!

OK. Rant done. Thanks for tuning in.

I'm out-


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